Arranging a Marriage in India; Serena Nanda

(142) "Of course I care... my marriage is too important to be arranged by such and inexperienced person as myself." This comment is so foreign to me, an American who has been brought up to believe that each person finds the person/ persons they should love and marry/ divorce (haha, it's true though). But even though it is foreign to me, I respect the idea of it. Love is not taken seriously, and it really irks me. Why repeat the vows and accept to marry someone when you are not really and truly in love with them . I also do not think divorce is unnecessary, from my parents situation, it was totally necessary, and should have happened way before it did. Over the years my dad had developed an emotionally abusive attitude that was not present before they were married, and so there is nothing wrong with my mom wanting to divorce someone who changed and hurt her day in and day out. But would that have happened if they had their parents choose their future partners for them, instead of choosing unqualified lovers themselves? Who knows, maybe; even in arranged marriages abusive and unloving partners are chosen.



One hears that in America girls spend all their time worrying about whether they will meet a man and get married.(142; 6th para.) I do, and so do my best friends. But i bet those girls in India who are not up to par in their looks and have certain negative attributes or their family brings them down worry about it too. It would be even harder for them, they would most likely NEVER get married, where over here in the U.S. even the trashiest people seem to have luck, four times sometimes.



"She had me there. The high anxiety of the competition to be popular with the opposite sex certainly was the most prominent feature of the life as an American teenager in the late fifties."( 142; 7th para)
It is true also, and holds strong even in the 21st century, but I have friends who are very sure that one say they will find someone and do not worry that much about things like that.

Many adolescent girls base their "self- esteem" on their popularity and grow up too fast.

" I reflected that absence of this competition in India most certainly may have contributed to the self confidence and natural charm of so many of the young women i met." (142, 7th para) I have yet to meet a true Indian, because the Americanized ones I know think the same way I do.



"If he is a good man, why should I not like him?"(143; 3rd para). Good point, if he is a good man, then there would be little that cold go wrong, but then again, attitudes clash and money makes relationships go sour.

"With you people, you know the boy so well before you marry, where will the fun to get married?There will be no mystery and no romance." (143, para. 2) I disagree with this whole heartily though; what if he is abusive, I mean it could happen in either the Indian relationship or the American, but with the American there is a better chance to seeing it before hand.

Not that that matter most of the time, because most Americans don't know what love is and would stay in the harmful relationship anyway. And people change over the years so there will most likely be things to get accustomed to overt he years.