Arranging a Marriage in India; Serena Nanda

(142) "Of course I care... my marriage is too important to be arranged by such and inexperienced person as myself." This comment is so foreign to me, an American who has been brought up to believe that each person finds the person/ persons they should love and marry/ divorce (haha, it's true though). But even though it is foreign to me, I respect the idea of it. Love is not taken seriously, and it really irks me. Why repeat the vows and accept to marry someone when you are not really and truly in love with them . I also do not think divorce is unnecessary, from my parents situation, it was totally necessary, and should have happened way before it did. Over the years my dad had developed an emotionally abusive attitude that was not present before they were married, and so there is nothing wrong with my mom wanting to divorce someone who changed and hurt her day in and day out. But would that have happened if they had their parents choose their future partners for them, instead of choosing unqualified lovers themselves? Who knows, maybe; even in arranged marriages abusive and unloving partners are chosen.



One hears that in America girls spend all their time worrying about whether they will meet a man and get married.(142; 6th para.) I do, and so do my best friends. But i bet those girls in India who are not up to par in their looks and have certain negative attributes or their family brings them down worry about it too. It would be even harder for them, they would most likely NEVER get married, where over here in the U.S. even the trashiest people seem to have luck, four times sometimes.



"She had me there. The high anxiety of the competition to be popular with the opposite sex certainly was the most prominent feature of the life as an American teenager in the late fifties."( 142; 7th para)
It is true also, and holds strong even in the 21st century, but I have friends who are very sure that one say they will find someone and do not worry that much about things like that.

Many adolescent girls base their "self- esteem" on their popularity and grow up too fast.

" I reflected that absence of this competition in India most certainly may have contributed to the self confidence and natural charm of so many of the young women i met." (142, 7th para) I have yet to meet a true Indian, because the Americanized ones I know think the same way I do.



"If he is a good man, why should I not like him?"(143; 3rd para). Good point, if he is a good man, then there would be little that cold go wrong, but then again, attitudes clash and money makes relationships go sour.

"With you people, you know the boy so well before you marry, where will the fun to get married?There will be no mystery and no romance." (143, para. 2) I disagree with this whole heartily though; what if he is abusive, I mean it could happen in either the Indian relationship or the American, but with the American there is a better chance to seeing it before hand.

Not that that matter most of the time, because most Americans don't know what love is and would stay in the harmful relationship anyway. And people change over the years so there will most likely be things to get accustomed to overt he years.

Why was it such an upheal that she got pregnat unrightfully? What did it mean in that time period when someone did that? Now a-days it is so common, but I still think it is sad under most circumstances. Not that it has to be this way but my generalistic thought on young irresponsible single mothers is that they become depressed and then look for attention and a guy to help take care of the baby, but leave the baby with mom, and introduce bad relationship after relationship to the baby teaching it nothing about love, stability or self-confidence. That's my negative view but I know young single mothers and that doesn't prove true for them.



"Now that you have started to menstruate, what happened to her could happen to you. Don't humiliate us. You wouldn't want to be forgotten as if you ha never been born." (392-393, last and first paragraph on each page.) Words of a loving nurturing mom. haha.


"I wonder whether he masked himself when he joined the raid on our family" (393, 7th para.).
How creepy of a thought is this; this quote reminds me of the Ku Klux Klan and how the masked themselves during their raids, but during the day they were most likely the people selling and conversing with the Blacks.

Shop like a Man: Underhill

Most of the guys I have shopped with me made me uncomfortable and rushed because something in me felt like I had to entertain them since there was really no reason for them to be in Forever 21, but I have also had at least two guy friends who enjoyed shopping with me and looking at clothes... and no they are not gay. But it's true that you feel uncomfortable with guys most of the time when you're a female in a women's only store.

"They're becoming a lot more like men in that regard." pg 187 He views men as know it alls, and people who take pride in what they know, because that is what he is saying in his quote that women are starting to resemble the men's attitudes when it comes to shopping; women own the shopping realm and take pride in it.

"They shop like they drive." pg 187 I thought that was funny, and yes i do think that is true for most, but not all men.


" A good argument for positioning fitting rooms nearer the men's department than the women's, if they are shared accomidations.... because if he has to search for it, he may decide it's not worth the trouble." pg. 188) From my experience, this does not prove to be accurate becasue my exboyfriends or guy friends have never tried clothes on, they know their size and they buy what they like. So I don't think they should be nearer the men's department, and I don't agree near the women's bras and panties section eighter.... because that's just uncomfortable for anyone when you are with the opposite sex... but they should have the dressing room in the middle.

"Throw a couple of kids in with Dad and you've got a lethal combination: he's notoriously bad at saying no when there's grocery acquisitioning to be done... It goes to the heart of the man's self-image." pg 189 I do agree that men have a harder time sticking to a list when they shop, and that dad's usually give into to kids plea for snicker's and bublicious, like my dad used to do, but I think it's ironic how the male feels almost obliged to give into the situation to make sure he is still seen as the provider.. that's an oxymoron right there.

"It allows him to feel in charge even when he isn't." Funny. Who cares about groceries? haha

Although he generalizes on everything from clothing to supermarket to car shopping, I agree with him for the most part, and I really like how he acknowledges that even in his generalizations, they do not apply to all men or all women.

"This is changing as the percentage of female- headed households rises, but it still holds." 191
Perfect example of how great of a generalizer he is.

"woman ...with... female companion: 8 minutes, 15 seconds
woman with children: 7 minutes, 19 seconds
woman alone: 5 minutes, 2 seconds
woman with man: 4 minutes, 41 seconds"
It makes sence, the more people there are to talk about product with the more time in the store, and obviously a woman can talk to herself more than she can to a man whos not interested.. hahaha. (Lol i didn't even read what was after that and it explained it exatly!!)

Talking about the beer tasting (pg 194) not even focused on selling more beer but on making the supermarket more male dominated, and in doing so adding to the sales of all the other junk guys buy, is a good way of looking at. I work at Costco, and I never saw the samples that way before, but it would work in Costco just the same as any plain supermarket, and i bet that is the reason for samples.

" A man in the kitchen is sexy" pg 195. I agree.

True that world is becoming more appealing to men because men are now taking the roles more often as the shoppers due to the stretch in singleness (pg 195, last para, and 1st para on 196)
Also restated on pg 197 and 198.

"The whole baby category needs to be reinvented."199
Hahaha.. taking it a little to far there buddy. Guys at my church look just fine carring there plain baby bags.

Guys vs. Men; Dave Barry

I really enjoyed the humor of this article.
I have a hard time with generalizations, but its good to see a lighter side to them.

" One of the major characteristics of guyhood is that we guys don't spend a lot of time pomdering our deep innermost feelings." (pg 403, 3rd para.)
It's hilarious how he has nothing to back up his thesis, yet he somehow backs it up.

"I won't be able to stop myself, I'm a guy." (pg. 404, 4th para.)
Okay, this is honestly a generalization I do not like... it proves nothing, but when he says it I don't really take it as seriously as I would if someone said it and meant it because Barry is hilarious.

"She'll be sound asleep in bed, and suddenly, at 2 A.M. she'll be awakened by the urgent thought: The blue-green sofa needs to go perpendicular to the wall instead of parallel, and it needs to go there RIGHT NOW."
I have soOOOo done that before, but not with living room furniture. I would be a perfect example for his stereotype.

"These are middle aged guys, supposedly adults, and they're out there bragging about their performance in this stupid juvenile footrace. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. "Hey!' I shouted. " I could beat 5.75 seconds."
HAHAHA, he used a sly approach to prove his point but i expected it. It reminds me of something Will Ferrell would say in Anchorman.

I also love the part where his "friend" calls "so he could express his concern. 'Just remember... you didn't beat me.'" Classic.

"Two women will have a conversation, lasting several days, during which they discuss virtually every significant event that has occurred in their lives and the lives of those they care about, sharing their innermost thoughts, analyzing and probing, inevitably coming to a deeper understanding of each other, and a strengthening of a cherished friendship" (pg. 409, para 6). I have to say that I also fall under that stereotype ...

I think it is also very cute how he explains the weekend when he and his good friend talked about a video game and how his friend said "he had even seen the Evil Presence, although he refused to tell me what it looks like. We're very close, but there is a limit. " I sense sarcasm in that statement, but at the same time I get this feeling that the guy is super serious. that guys actually thin that way, and I do not think that is true for most, but it's scary to realize that yeah, some are like that.

What are homosexuals for?

Sullivan's answer to the question in his title is that in his opinion, homosexuals are created to test the waters. To be free souls, to experience what they desire, to make our world a better place with their style, and ability to make our world more artsy.
I don't agree.

I do however agree with Sullivan when he says that "The abandonment of intimacy and the rejection of one's emotional core are, I have come to believe, alloyed evils." (381, 1st para) This statement is made referring to gays and how they deny their feelings to be accepted and also distance themselves because they do not neccesarily know how to be close with straight people, and how in doing those things creates a horrible outcome.

"All to often, they preserve the persona at the expense of the person."(381, 1st para)

I do not believe that same sex couples are correct as a Christian. God made male and females for each other, not male for male and female for female. Look at our body parts. But as a heterosexual, i can not imagine the feelings, curiosity and the sadness a homosexual experiences when they go through the "I'm not normal" phase, (assuming every homosexual does). The way homosexuality works into God's plan is that technically all homosexual and heterosexual alike are born into a sinful nature. God allows sin because he did not make us robots, and force us to love, obey or worship him. In saying that, no bodies nature is exactly the same, and each individual person has different temptations. Homosexuality is a sin and temptation just as lust is, no matter if you are straight or gay, the lust for another individual is just that, a sin (lust and liking someone are way different). I have about 4 guy friends who are gay, and really only one has explained to me his feelings about other guys. He is a christian too, and so are the other 3 actually.

blah blah... Just like any sin or temptation, I and all Christians would go to God with it, or try to handle it on our own and realize we are powerless. but a longing to be with a girl for me would just mean that God allowed me to struggle with this in order to overcome it and glorify him and develop me into someone he had intended me to be. Everyone was created for a different purpose, and the different temptations we go through and overcome develop us for that purpose.

"I wondered which was a deeper feeling: the sense of excruciating pain seeing a member of my acquired family die, or the excruciating joy of seeing a member of my given family born."

Sullivan states that our society has become more and more accepting to diversity. I totally agree. At my high school, it seemed like every year, more and more people stepped out of the closet due to everyone else doing it. It just became more normal.

I dont get what Sullivan means when he says that "The acceptance of diversity has ... become virtually a definition of " racist" to make any substantive generalizations about a particular ethnicity, and a definition of " homophobic" to make any generalizations about homosexuals.

Interesting that he mentions that Homosexuals mainly major in and choose jobs that deal with the arts, and are more keen to looks and peoples actions when they talk.

Once I found the strength to be myself, I had no need to act myself. (Sullivan 386, end of 2nd para)
"one of the goods that homosexuals bring to society is undcubtedly a more highly developed sense of form, of style." (386 last para.)

This guy uses way too many big words!!